Song: I Surrender All (CeCe Winans)

This is CeCe's anointed and magnificent rendition of a powerful hymn entitled "I Surrender All". This is from her award winning debut album, "Alone In His Presence".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IAz9artoBw

God said "No" (received by a relative)

YOU HAVE TO LOVE THIS

I asked God to take away my habit
God said, No.

It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.

His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.

Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness..
God said, No.

I give you blessings;
Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.

Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.

You must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things
that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.

I will give you life,
so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

THIS DAY IS YOURS
DON'T THROW IT AWAY

May God Bless You,
'To the world you might be one person,
But to one person you just might be the world'

'May the Lord Bless you and keep you,
May the Lord Make his face shine upon you,
And give you Peace......Forever'

'Good friends are like stars...
You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.

Please turn to page 133 in the hymnal (original Nazarene hymnal)

If my memory serves correct, the page number was 133 (it may have been 333, I'm not sure)... but the song was "Grace, Grace, God's Grace".

I didn't pay much attention to the song because my name was Grace and I felt that somehow, focusing on my name would be disrespectful of God.

In more recent years, the book, "What's so Amazing about Grace" intrigued me.... but, again I placed it in the back of my mind thinking that reading this book would be focusing on myself instead of God.

How foolish am I!

My name is a reminder of some of the most beautiful times in my life and it is OK with God.

-I was named after my Grandmother Grace.
-One of my earliest rememberances is of that song, "God's Grace".
-My neice's middle name is Grace after both my grandmother and myself.

I'm sure I will be editing this list as time goes by. The name Grace is regaining popularity in this generation.

Check out Wikepedia for the definitions of Grace, or any other means you use to research.

God's Grace: A few hundred pupils proclaiming God's grace!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HfDmXyFN1Y

Amazing Grace: (The Blind Boys of Alabama)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR1tOVd4PCk

Calm before the storm

'til the storm passes over, 'til the thunder sounds no more
'til the clouds roll forever from the sky
hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of thy hand
keep me safe 'til the storm passes by

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKWggfV2tVg&feature=related

Boastfulness

Oh, I know what the bible says but, she's my niece...

Jenna's "invention" was featured at the Science Fair yesterday.  Her invention was shown on the Channel 9 news last evening. 

I couldn't see her face, but I could recognize the voice and had some "inside" information about the project.

So proud and yet so sad, the lazy days of school vacations are over.  Gone is the time of trying to find something to fill up the time when we are together.  The time is so precious.

Now, her schedule is so full, I have to make an appointment to see her!  Friday evening we are going to dinner together and gladly her parents are tagging along. 

It's been so long since I've been together with Jim and his family.  I just can't wait!

Whenever you're in trouble

http://www.donny.com/video/all/whenever_youre_in_trouble

Nothing for me to say today.

Traveling Mercies

A friend is going on a trip...  the kind of trip I've never been able to make, but hope to someday.  If I don't hear your voice before you leave, I am praying for it to be everything you've been praying for. 

And, you know, when you return and I have the details I will be revealing your name here. (wink and smile)

For those of you who don't know who this is... just pray for safety and rest.  Before, during and after the trip.

Free to be me

Long day.... Cox tech repaired phone outlet in kitchen and I got one box unpacked.  Now this would take a normal person about an hour, but me, well...

If it has pictures in it, I can't stop looking at them.  This box contained the belonging off my desk from work, so there were many.  Buried in the bottom of the box was the only high school annual I have seen in years.  I put it aside to look at later.

No good, I couldn't go to sleep until I fanned through the pages.

I am so tired, but wanted to post something light before I go to bed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKSQjSdU8VA
(Francesca Battistelli - Free To Be Me)

Lymphedema

So I can stop explaining...

Definition: Lymphedema
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lymphedema

If you have lymphedema, I highly reccomend the following specialists...

Cardio-Vascular Specialist: Dr. Branislav Schifferdecker
Treats Lymphedema
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4GGLL_enUS314US314&q=dr+branislav+schifferdecker

Previously known as Mercy Heart Hospital: OCA
http://www.ocaheart.com/

Lymphedema Therapist: Don Landis
http://www.zoominfo.com/people/Landis_Don_34685495.aspx

http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4GGLL_enUS314US314&q=don+landis+lymphedema

Thanks for your prayers, Grace

Oooops! I forgot.

Jesus take the wheel

Jesus take my blog

Clutter

As I clear the clutter in my mind, I am gradually organizing some things in my apartment.  There's a long road ahead, but I'll make it.  I heard it said somewhere that if I do just one thing more today than I did yesterday, it will make a difference.  I'm seeing a small dent in the surface.

It's true, what they say.  Sleep deprivation does make you dumber.  I am so tired and in so much pain, one would think I could just drift off to sleep.  Balance is what I need.

The pain medicine works for awhile and I think everything is fine.  It doesn't make me sleepy but helps me get through the phone calls, appts and challenges as I go through this journey.  I can smile awhile, and even laugh my head off at jokes friends send me, but then it comes back and there I am again, unable to sleep, getting dumber and dumber all the time.

I have been trying to reach my supervisor for weeks trying to find out who I am supposed to contact regarding my disability.  There have been so many changes, I can't find the current HR mgr.  Every rep I talk with knows him and agrees to e-mail the message, but no return.  Then it dawned on me.  He had one kidney transplant before I started working for him and needed another.  He passed out on us during the time I was going through the severe anemia and had not yet received the current diagnosis.  I pray he is ok.

Couldn't get it off my mind.  Left a message for Gary's mgr, the VP over me who also had a pituitary tumor at the same time!  I called back to the call center today and went through all the menu's to get to a representative to explain it was not business related.  I explained my concern, no reply from the rep.  Makes me even more concerned,

Gary's brother died during this same time and Jerry went to the funeral.  He wasn't supposed to come back to work that day, but so blessed by the service, he returned to tell us in spite of his own battle.  So, I left a message for Jerry with the representative.  Still no reply.  Knowing the dedication of these 2 men, I can guarantee, if they were both well and available, I would have heard.

Please pray for these men and thier families.  Whatever is happening, I know God will hold them up.

So many times I wonder, why, WHY did this happen to me?  I wanted to make it to the 30 year mark which would have been 2009... last year.  The year of an abundant amount of grief.  Seemed like more than our share.

Gary stood in my hospital room when I was at my worst and told me only to think of my health.  My job would always be there.

Being discharged from the hospital, the nurse needed the information for my mail order prescriptions.  Gary was not in, so reluctantly I called the VP.  Jerry was more than happy to help.  He expressed concern and faxed the paperwork to the nurses station while we were still talking,  Then the bomb hit! 

He asked me if I knew I was out of family medical leave.  NO, I didn't know.  I was supposed to have 3 weeks left to get through a hysterectomy.  I didn't know that every Dr appt, physical therapy session and temp part-time return per Dr orders was subtracted from FML.  He told me he had to reassign my job. 

I tried to remain calm, while explaining that Gary told me I would always have a job.  Jerry told me he was sorry, but every employee had to be treated equally.  We hung up and then I burst into tears! 

The nurse walked in to take vitals.  BP and blood sugar skyrocketed!  She asked me what medication I needed to calm down so she could retest in 30 mins.  I don't remember what we decided on... the list was so long.

My discharge was delayed over the weekend.  I hate hospitals!

I was there every time I could when my Dad went through his battle with leukemia.  That's the only place I wanted to be.  I even worked split shifts so that I could relieve Mom in the afternoons and went to the hospital the next morning before work to check on him.  I layed on the floor between his bed and Mom's cot the night we thought we were going to lose him.  Then watched with wonder and joy at the miracle God gave us the next morning when Dad asked for a sandwich.

It was my parent's 25th anniversary.  They had always dreamed of a trip to Hawaii.  Instead, we had the celebration in a little room off from ICU.  I had redecorated thier original cake topper with silver and called Skaggs-Albertson's to see if there was any way they could make a small 3-tier cake on a Saturday afternoon in the middle of an ice storm to be ready for the next day. 

Several people from my parent's Sunday School Class called and offered to bring Punch and cookies.  The nurses were arranging the coffee.  Dad always walked the halls and made sure there was fresh coffee for them as long as he could and they knew it was his favorite beverage.

The next day was dark and dreary, the ice storm had stopped, but the temperatures kept the ground frozen.  As my brother and I carried the 3 cake boxes along with the columns across the ice and secured them in my little car.  Jim hugged me, told me to drive safely and told me he would meet me in the hospital parking lot.

When I arrived, Jim was already there with a hospital cart.  We arrived in the little room to set up.  The ladies from the church had arrived before us.  The nurses had prepared the tables before they arrived.

Happy and joyful for our miracle, but weary, so weary Jim and I helped set things up.  Jim left to check on Dad and returned to tell me that the son of Dad's barber was cutting Dad's hair!  Dad wanted Bob to cut it, but I believe he had a solo in the service that morning, so he sent his son.

The elevator doors opened as a few of the Sunday School class members arrived.  I greeted them and then went to check on Dad, needing to use the restroom.  The nurses were helping Dad into a three piece suit, weaving tubes in and out, laughing as they kept tangling in a maze.  Mom was already dressed in the most beautiful outfit she had.  A dark, floral, mid-length skirt with a white lace blouse with ruffles around her neck and at the cuffs.  She had a sprig of  baby's breath in her hair and had the most beautiful smile and glow.  It was worth it, the small occasion we had planned.

Jim and I walked down the hallway together to await thier arrival to the little celebration.  Gradually more and more people from the Sunday School Class came trickling in from the cold and fog.  So dedicated, these precious friends.

I noticed some people from the news station get off the elevator and head for the nurses station.  One of the nurses whispered in my ear, "We called them".  Oh no, I thought.looking down at my dress and the weight I had gained during this ordeal (and they say the TV adds 5-10 more lbs)!  I was too tired to care.

Everything was ready.  The first thing I saw was the camera man walking backward down the hall way as Mom and Dad turned the corner together.  The nurses were wheeling Dad and making sure the tubes weren't getting tangled in the wheels.

Jim leaned over, arm across my shoulder and jokingly said something to the effect of, "I know it's a slow news day, but this is sooooo embarrassing"!

It was unbelievable the number of people who came, including some of  Dad's team of Dr's.  At one point the crowd was so large that it caused the ICU automatic doors to keep opening and closing.  Finally the head nurse on duty in the ICU had to ask some of the people to leave for the protection of the other patients
who needed rest and weren't getting it due to all the noise.

Many times I wonder why God brought me to the low places in my life.  It's true what I've heard.... "We'll understand it better by and by".... Now I understand the importance of sleep.  To heal the body and the soul.

Letting Go

As I sit here, watching the weather, glancing at the clock, over and over thinking I shouldn't even be on the computer.  I'm supposed to be on the road for a Dr appt. I just had to type a note to say God is changing me. 

There's been too much grief in my life recently and I have to let it go to stay here among the living.  It's time for laughter and smiles.  It's time for healing.  Oh how God knows my heart and how friends have blessed my life. Too many to mention.

My nephew forgave me for words uttered in haste, meant with sincere intention, but typed when I was sleep deprived and had no business being on the computer for any reason.  I can rest now. I am at peace, he is at peace and it doesn't matter what the world saw.  It only matters that God know my heart and his heart.  Oh, my precious nephew, the first on my mother's side, I love you dearly.   Too many things I want to tell you of.  But, it doesn't matter.  You already know them

God had to forgive MY heart before I asked of his.  He did, and it's enough, it's enough.

Had a wonderful Sunday dinner with my Mother, God is healing our relationship.  Baby steps, but I feel a healing coming on.

According to the weather report, I have exactly enough time to get on the road and get home safely before the next storm.  Praise you Jesus... Thank You for answering my prayer.

Amen.
Grace

Friends in all sizes

On a previous post, I mentioned I would tell you how I met one of my younger neighbors.  I hear a lot of noises in the breezeway of my little studio apartment.  Sometimes muffled conversation, the mailman and maintenance people coming and going, but most of the noise comes from the staircase... bumping, things dropping, laughing, crying (sometimes, the children cry too!).

When there is laughter on the staircase, I usually know who is creating the noise that always brings a smile to my face, because of the way I met her.

Soon after moving into this apartment, I was still adjusting to the new and different noises and getting aquainted with new neighbors.  I barely knew anyone except the manager and her husband who is also the maintenance man.  I also knew my neighbor across the hall because she is the mother to friends of my sister in law's mother.  (I'll have to write another blog of how they have blessed my life recently.)

One night, I had just drifted off the sleep at about 11pm when a knock came at the door.  Since it is such a small apartment (about the size of a hotel suite), I can call out from my bed "Who is it?" and usually hear who it is.  A clear voice rang out, "It's me".  I jumped out of bed to answer the door for my niece (okay, I hobbled to the door) when it dawned on me, my niece was 11 at the time.  No way would she be at my door that time of night, or somebody in the family would be with her, or call first, something! 

I asked again, "Who are you?"  "It's me... can you please open the door?"  I looked out the peephole, nothing.  Tried a different question, "What is your name?"  Na-TA-lee. Sounded a little slurred, about the age of 13-15.. female.  I replied, "I'm sorry, you have the wrong apartment".  I heard her knocking at other doors, so I got back in bed, dosed off again and woke up to another knock about 11:20pm.

This time she was begging to come in.  Again, I thought the speech was a little slurred.  It sounded like she was trying to cover up by talking very slowly and distinctly.  My paranoia kicked in. My mind went back to living in a 2nd floor apartment at this same complex about 30 years ago.

That time, it was a teenage male who said, "You don't know me, but I need to come in and use your phone".  Long story, short... once he knew I was awake, he wouldn't go away.  He refused my offer to call someone for him, he refused to go to the fire station next door, or the convenience store down the street.  He really started to scare me.  He would knock at the other 2nd floor apartments, but never the first floor.  He would leave our section only to return.  His knocks and pleas to come in my apartment intensified and he was standing to the side of the door, so I couldn't see his face through the peephole.

I went to my bedroom, locked myself in and called the police.  The dispatcher could hear him banging on my door and wouldn't let me hang up until the police arrived.  A few minutes later, I heard a voice yelling, "What are you doing?  Get out here now... I said, NOW!!!!"  It turned out, this was a teenager driving his Dad's brand new truck while drinking.  He had wrecked the truck after jumping the curb and slamming into the chain-link fence at the back of our parking lot. 

The manager told me the next day, that this guy had been in every section of all 3 buildings, knocking at only 2nd floor apartments.  The voice I heard calling him downstairs and away from our building was an off duty security officer who had recently moved in to the complex and had been called by another tenant.  The police were actually at the door of a girl I had known in college, who was very athletic and had her baseball bat ready for the guy if he knocked her door in!  The police department had received about 3 calls and were already on thier way when I called.

Poor kid, I bet he didn't get to use his Dad's car for a while after that. 

(Side-note: I know how much trouble I got in when my Dad met up with my Old Testament professor who asked how I was feeling?  Yep, me... skipping old testament class.  Dad didn't mention anything about it, but a few days later I called to borrow the car and my Mom told me Dad was not there, but she could guarantee I wouldn't be borrowing the car for a loooong time.  She informed me of Dad meeting up with the professor.  Just one disadvantage of going to college with your Dad!)

Anyway, that is why I was a little paranoid about this girl at my door.  The age, what sounded like slurred speech, the continued return to my apartment.  On the other hand, it broke my heart.  She sounded exhausted.  I could hear her body slide down to the floor beside my door, "please, please, let me in".  I could hear something scraping against my door.

I called the police and explained I was new to this complex and although I didn't feel in danger, I was unsure about opening my door to a young teenager at this time of night.  They said they would send someone to check on it and hung up.  A few minutes later I heard an adult, female voice saying, "Are you locked out?" and then suddenly a male voice at my door saying, "Grace, are you okay?"  I opened the door knowing the male voice was our maintenance man and then could hear the his wife (the manager) upstairs talking to an adult saying she thought the girl was locked out.

The manager came downstairs and listened in as her husband explained they intercepted the police call from the scanner.  He was telling me I did the right thing and his wife was nodding behind.  She told me the girl was not locked out, the door was wide open.  She was just bored and decided to go visiting.  Apparantly, she kept returning to my door because I was the only one that was responding to her.

They left and I realized I didn't ask the girl's age.  The next day, I met up with my neighbor across the hall who let me know that Natalie had been in her apartment visiting earlier that night.  She said they visited and watched TV for awhile.  She gave her a plastic cup with some peanuts to snack on and then told her it was time for bed and sent her back upstairs.

She went on to tell me she was glad the manager had been able to intercept my call to the police, she didn't want the little girl to get in trouble.  I finally asked how old the girl was...  "5 years old".  I was shocked and felt horrible that I had not let this little girl into my apartment for safety.  What if she had gone outside and wandered away? 

Later, I found out she was dressed to go outside.  She had her jacket on and apparantly some of the scratching I heard on my door was the zipper to her jacket and then the empty plastic cup that held her peanuts.

About 2 weeks later, there was a bag of cookies attached to my door with a note from Natalie and her mother, along with thier apartment number.  Her mother and I were aquainted soon after and now we have each other's phone numbers, just in case.

The reason I thought I was hearing the voice of a teenager speaking very clearly and distinctly at an attempt (I thought) to cover slurred speech, was because she had never been talked to like a little baby.  As soon as she could talk, her family spoke to her in regular voice.  Just like my niece!

I constantly have to stop talking "baby talk" when I tell my about something cute she said or did as a toddler.  Otherwise, she will start talking back in the same voice which wouldn't make her very popular as a 7th grader!

Natalie now knows that I am the lady that wouldn't let her in my apartment, but she also knows that if she needs anything she can come to my door.  When I first met her, I apologized and she said, "Oh, it's okay.  I understand."

When she sees me, she always something to say, some story to tell me and always a smile that just makes my day.  She is almost 2 years older now and still brings "laughter in the walls".

(Laughter in the Walls is a book written by one of my favorite authors, Bob Benson.  It was a thin book of easy reading, and as I recall mostly about his children.  He was a quiet gentle man who could say so much in so few words.  I wish I had his talent.  He would have written this story in about 4 paragraphs, maybe less.  Most of his books are out of print now, but if you ever see this one, grab it.)

Here is an excerpt from the book that someone else posted and says it all....  too soon children grow up.  All the rooms are empty, but the laughter and memories are still there.
http://www.cathye.com/dadlaughterinthewalls.htm

And a song, for my friend, Natalie... "I am a promise (I am a possibility)" by the Gaither Trio
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL3adt7K58M