Clutter

As I clear the clutter in my mind, I am gradually organizing some things in my apartment.  There's a long road ahead, but I'll make it.  I heard it said somewhere that if I do just one thing more today than I did yesterday, it will make a difference.  I'm seeing a small dent in the surface.

It's true, what they say.  Sleep deprivation does make you dumber.  I am so tired and in so much pain, one would think I could just drift off to sleep.  Balance is what I need.

The pain medicine works for awhile and I think everything is fine.  It doesn't make me sleepy but helps me get through the phone calls, appts and challenges as I go through this journey.  I can smile awhile, and even laugh my head off at jokes friends send me, but then it comes back and there I am again, unable to sleep, getting dumber and dumber all the time.

I have been trying to reach my supervisor for weeks trying to find out who I am supposed to contact regarding my disability.  There have been so many changes, I can't find the current HR mgr.  Every rep I talk with knows him and agrees to e-mail the message, but no return.  Then it dawned on me.  He had one kidney transplant before I started working for him and needed another.  He passed out on us during the time I was going through the severe anemia and had not yet received the current diagnosis.  I pray he is ok.

Couldn't get it off my mind.  Left a message for Gary's mgr, the VP over me who also had a pituitary tumor at the same time!  I called back to the call center today and went through all the menu's to get to a representative to explain it was not business related.  I explained my concern, no reply from the rep.  Makes me even more concerned,

Gary's brother died during this same time and Jerry went to the funeral.  He wasn't supposed to come back to work that day, but so blessed by the service, he returned to tell us in spite of his own battle.  So, I left a message for Jerry with the representative.  Still no reply.  Knowing the dedication of these 2 men, I can guarantee, if they were both well and available, I would have heard.

Please pray for these men and thier families.  Whatever is happening, I know God will hold them up.

So many times I wonder, why, WHY did this happen to me?  I wanted to make it to the 30 year mark which would have been 2009... last year.  The year of an abundant amount of grief.  Seemed like more than our share.

Gary stood in my hospital room when I was at my worst and told me only to think of my health.  My job would always be there.

Being discharged from the hospital, the nurse needed the information for my mail order prescriptions.  Gary was not in, so reluctantly I called the VP.  Jerry was more than happy to help.  He expressed concern and faxed the paperwork to the nurses station while we were still talking,  Then the bomb hit! 

He asked me if I knew I was out of family medical leave.  NO, I didn't know.  I was supposed to have 3 weeks left to get through a hysterectomy.  I didn't know that every Dr appt, physical therapy session and temp part-time return per Dr orders was subtracted from FML.  He told me he had to reassign my job. 

I tried to remain calm, while explaining that Gary told me I would always have a job.  Jerry told me he was sorry, but every employee had to be treated equally.  We hung up and then I burst into tears! 

The nurse walked in to take vitals.  BP and blood sugar skyrocketed!  She asked me what medication I needed to calm down so she could retest in 30 mins.  I don't remember what we decided on... the list was so long.

My discharge was delayed over the weekend.  I hate hospitals!

I was there every time I could when my Dad went through his battle with leukemia.  That's the only place I wanted to be.  I even worked split shifts so that I could relieve Mom in the afternoons and went to the hospital the next morning before work to check on him.  I layed on the floor between his bed and Mom's cot the night we thought we were going to lose him.  Then watched with wonder and joy at the miracle God gave us the next morning when Dad asked for a sandwich.

It was my parent's 25th anniversary.  They had always dreamed of a trip to Hawaii.  Instead, we had the celebration in a little room off from ICU.  I had redecorated thier original cake topper with silver and called Skaggs-Albertson's to see if there was any way they could make a small 3-tier cake on a Saturday afternoon in the middle of an ice storm to be ready for the next day. 

Several people from my parent's Sunday School Class called and offered to bring Punch and cookies.  The nurses were arranging the coffee.  Dad always walked the halls and made sure there was fresh coffee for them as long as he could and they knew it was his favorite beverage.

The next day was dark and dreary, the ice storm had stopped, but the temperatures kept the ground frozen.  As my brother and I carried the 3 cake boxes along with the columns across the ice and secured them in my little car.  Jim hugged me, told me to drive safely and told me he would meet me in the hospital parking lot.

When I arrived, Jim was already there with a hospital cart.  We arrived in the little room to set up.  The ladies from the church had arrived before us.  The nurses had prepared the tables before they arrived.

Happy and joyful for our miracle, but weary, so weary Jim and I helped set things up.  Jim left to check on Dad and returned to tell me that the son of Dad's barber was cutting Dad's hair!  Dad wanted Bob to cut it, but I believe he had a solo in the service that morning, so he sent his son.

The elevator doors opened as a few of the Sunday School class members arrived.  I greeted them and then went to check on Dad, needing to use the restroom.  The nurses were helping Dad into a three piece suit, weaving tubes in and out, laughing as they kept tangling in a maze.  Mom was already dressed in the most beautiful outfit she had.  A dark, floral, mid-length skirt with a white lace blouse with ruffles around her neck and at the cuffs.  She had a sprig of  baby's breath in her hair and had the most beautiful smile and glow.  It was worth it, the small occasion we had planned.

Jim and I walked down the hallway together to await thier arrival to the little celebration.  Gradually more and more people from the Sunday School Class came trickling in from the cold and fog.  So dedicated, these precious friends.

I noticed some people from the news station get off the elevator and head for the nurses station.  One of the nurses whispered in my ear, "We called them".  Oh no, I thought.looking down at my dress and the weight I had gained during this ordeal (and they say the TV adds 5-10 more lbs)!  I was too tired to care.

Everything was ready.  The first thing I saw was the camera man walking backward down the hall way as Mom and Dad turned the corner together.  The nurses were wheeling Dad and making sure the tubes weren't getting tangled in the wheels.

Jim leaned over, arm across my shoulder and jokingly said something to the effect of, "I know it's a slow news day, but this is sooooo embarrassing"!

It was unbelievable the number of people who came, including some of  Dad's team of Dr's.  At one point the crowd was so large that it caused the ICU automatic doors to keep opening and closing.  Finally the head nurse on duty in the ICU had to ask some of the people to leave for the protection of the other patients
who needed rest and weren't getting it due to all the noise.

Many times I wonder why God brought me to the low places in my life.  It's true what I've heard.... "We'll understand it better by and by".... Now I understand the importance of sleep.  To heal the body and the soul.